so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
