yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
be right there i have to get my cape
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
