they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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