i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
