Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
