Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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