he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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