I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
