Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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