she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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