Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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