I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
