Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
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