My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize