She's never allowed to turn 21 again
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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