That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
