he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
