he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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