i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
