Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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