This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
did i walk over a car last night?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
