His pubic hair was longer than his dick
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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