I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
