Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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