i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
