would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I don't deserve a penis
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
