Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
