One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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