I am in a vortex of obligation.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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