On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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