I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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