is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
