i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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