I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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