What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
