Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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