Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
