She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
