So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
