you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Randomize
