I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
