Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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