That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
