i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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