It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
