last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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