Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
he was CRYING into my vagina
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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