He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
