Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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