If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
