I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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