her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
