I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
