So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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