Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Your dad touched me again.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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