what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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