$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
