hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
