so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
