Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
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