I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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