She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
