Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
