She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
