If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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