Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
